Hannah Montana Aftermath: A Fab Life
by GeronimoStilton
Summary: Mitchel Musso's evil scheme to get famous fast goes wrong, and soon he's stuck in Miley Cyrus' mansion with his 9 children, married to Emily Osment. Follow their fab lives as they rescue an amnesiac Jason Earles from the streets, anger George Takei, and suffer the wrath of Katy Perry.


**Mitchel's Evil Idea**

_Disclaimer: Nothing personal against Mitchel, bro_

Mitchel Musso yawned as he heard his girlfriend Katy Perry blabbering into the phone.

"Yeah, yeah, gotta go, bye. Love you too," he said boredly as he strolled down the street. Life was so boring these days. At first, keeping his relationship with Katy Perry private from the media seemed so exhilarating! Now it was just talk to Katy on phone, grab a snack, post on Twitter, talk to Katy on the phone, take some pictures, grab a snack, struggle to stay up all night as Katy confided to him her deepest darkest secrets. Yawn. It was a drag. After all, he was Mitchel Musso, THE Mitchel Musso! Why was he wasting his life doing this?

His mind raced as he walked faster. He could be _anything, _he could be amazing, he could be brave...he didn't need to spend his life tied down to Katy Perry. Finally, he felt free. He felt like his life had started anew. What to do now? He opened up his smartphone and saw the front page of People magazine. There it was, some big headline about someone named Lorde.

"Huh, if Lorde is popular, I guess I should try to be friends with her. After all, being in with the cool crowd will make me so, hip!" He nudged his hip to the side, bumping into a public water fountain.

"Ow! That really hurt!" he mumbled as he grabbed his phone and dialed his bodyguards.

"Hi, what can we do for you, master?" the mechanical voice of his Monkey-Bot 3000 said.

"I need you to find Lorde for me. Once you find her, put a tracking widget on her."

"Yes, Master Musso, we will do this task for, you, and you only, because we love you and only you. No matter how many times those wretched girlfriends of yours breaks your fragile heart, we will always be here for you," the Monkey-Bot 3000 recited. Mitchel's heart soared. Someone loved him.

Flash forward 15 minutes later. Mitchel is following Lorde through a shopping mall, which is chockfull of those cheesy holiday season decorations. She's with her boyfriend, a guy with funky black hair and a friendly smile.

"Dang, oh dang, dang-oh-dangNABBIT!" Mitchel hollers. "Well, I'll just have to take Lorde from him..."

He pounces in front of them, blocking their path, knocking over a small crying child along the way.

"Um, hi?" Lorde looks at him vaguely.

"Hey, did you fart, 'cos you just blew me away," Mitchel says, trying to act smooth. Cool. Suave.

"Um, we're together," Lorde's boyfriend mumbles. The couple backs away slowly, their hands raised. Mitchel advances on them.

"You'll have to fight ME for HER!" Mitchel snaps, making a scrawny fist. The couple breaks into a run.

"No!" Mitchel hollers. "She is MINE!" He leaps at Lorde's boyfriend, shouting his war cry. They tumble into a cardboard candy cane display. Lorde's boyfriend, James Lowe, pushes Mitchel away roughly, yelling something about security. But Mitchel knows no boundaries, the wild beast he is. He kicks James in the shin, and shoves him into a cardboard Santa Claus cutout, then yanks some festive lights from a storefront and starts wrapping James with the lights.

However, James manages to shove his palm into Mitchel's conceited little face at the VERY LAST SECOND, and undoes the lights. Roaring, he slams his head into Mitchel's abdomen, the force propelling his attacker into Forever 21.

Mitchel crash lands in the clearance rack, hollering, "Dang, oh dang, dang-oh-dangNABBIT!" The poor man-boy starts crying tears of rejection. Suddenly, he feels himself being dragged out of the store, then enveloped into a soft fur coat.

"There there now, it's alright," a familiar voice soothes. Mitchel hollers hoarsely, and cranes his head to see...Miley Cyrus dressed as Santa Claus?!

"M...Miley?" he sniffles and gapes at his co-star from way-back-when.

"Don't tell anyone about this. This is just a gig to get quick cash 'cos I'm broke," Miley says hushedly.

"...Oh," Mitchel grumbles. He sighs and looks out into the big bleak world, wondering if his life would ever become exciting again. He wanted to be a star. He wanted to be on the front page of tabloids, making people everywhere swoon as they saw him. Why couldn't he be the next superstar, the one everyone looked up to? He wanted to be like One Direction, or even like his co-star Miley Cyrus.

"I know what you're thinking, Mitchel, but fame is over-rated," Miley says matter-of-factly. _Like you'd know, _Mitchel thinks nastily but keeps it inside. Miley's famous-well, infamous-but at least people pay attention to her. Mitchel's been out of the spotlight since...when was the last time he saw his own face in a tabloid? When was the last time he made a big headline? The last time he heard a little girl scream, "Mitchel MUSSO?" as he walked out of his taxi cab?

"I want fame no matter what, Miley. I'm sick and tired of living such a BORING life!" he complains, hopping off Miley's Santa coat. Miley looks at him, her big white beard framing her sorry-looking face.

"Well, what do you want to do? I'll help you, Mitchel," she says, sounding a bit annoyed. Mitchel's evil grin spreads across his face.

"I want to break up with Katy Perry. I mean, she's such a spoiled brat, and she thinks her life is just so terrible. I mean, my life is WAY worse. I'm so sadly infamous!" he says angrily. Before waiting for a reply from Miley, he whips out his phone and sends Katy a text in .0005 seconds.

**Mitchel: **_i take a dump you_

But he made a mistake. As you can see, he wrote an embarrassingly wrong message...

**Katy: **_what?! your dumping me?! i cant believe you'd do this i thought you were the one...and not only do you dump me but you cyber-poop on me?! we're over..._

Mitchel shows Miley the text conversation. She groans and bangs her head against the wall. "What now?"

"I'm going to find a new girl. One that will make me famous. And I think I know the one."


End file.
